[Music]
hello Doha hello
Salam alaykoum I love coming to Doha
it's such an international place this is
like it feels like the United Nations
just here you land at the airport and
you're welcomed by an Indian lady who
takes you the Al Maha services where you
meet a Filipino lady who hands you off
to a South African lady who then takes
you to a Korean who takes you to a
Pakistani guy with the luggage who takes
you to the car with a sri lankan you go
to the hotel you check-in there's a
Lebanese yeah and then then a Swedish
guy showed me my room I said where are
the Qataris they said no no it's too hot
they come out later they're smart they
know and of course it's growing so fast
sometimes there's growing pains you know
like sometimes you run into people that
you think know the city well but they
don't know it that well my Indian cab
driver showed up at the W and I asked
him to take me to the Sheraton and he
said no problem sir and then we sat
there for two minutes I said what's
wrong is it one problem sir
I said what he goes where is it I go
you're the driver you should know I just
arrived sir I think you just arrived at
the W no I just arrived in Doha sir I
was on my way home from the airport I
got a job I'm working already he goes
sir why don't you drive I go I don't
know where we're going neither do i it
would be an adventure sir it is an
adventure the Middle East has been an
adventure in the past couple years
Middle East is going crazy with with the
Arab Spring and Revolution and all this
are there any Lebanese here tonight any
Lebanese bye applause Lebanese yeah the
Middle East is going crazy you know the
Middle East is going crazy when Lebanon
is the most peaceful place in the region
who would have thought oh my gosh no
they're serious issues in the reason
some people don't want to talk about
them I'm here to talk about them tonight
ladies and gentlemen of the Middle East
here's a serious switch issue when we
see each other when we say hello how
many kisses are we going to do every
country is different it is confusing
okay in Lebanon they do three in Egypt
they do - I was in Lebanon I got used to
three I went to Egypt I went to say
hello to this one Egyptian guy I went
one two I went for three he wasn't into
it I told him I said no no no I was just
in Lebanon even I don't care what he
what you say what you are this day buddy
[Applause]
I went to Saudi Arabia Saudi Arabia they
go one two and then they stay on the
same side three four five six next time
you see a Saudi look closely there's
just a little bit tilted Abdullah okay
yeah I was saying hello for half an hour
I'm gonna be all right
Qataris you guys do the nose to nose why
is that are you too tired to go all the
way around how baby is so hot just come
here for a second say hello hello Habibi
just don't move just stay there please I
need to rest every country's Iranian
sometimes we do too sometimes we do
three a friend of mine explained to me
before the 79 revolution it was too
after the Revolution 3 so with Iranians
you can tell whose side the person's on
based on a number of kisses they give
you yeah if you go one two three I can't
believe you support this regime
three kisses but no guys really it is
exciting to be here and like I said you
guys are doing a lot culturally you know
and it's amazing and it helps change the
image of the Middle East in the West
like a lot of Americans don't know a lot
about us about the Middle East I'm
Iranian an American I'm there I know
that that you know I've traveled here
there's so much we laugh right people
don't know we laugh when I did the axis
evil comedy tour it came out on Comedy
Central I went online to see what people
were saying about it I ended up on a
conservative website one guy wrote
another guy said I never knew these
people laughed
think about it you never see us laughing
an American film or television right
maybe like an evil like oh I will kill
you in the name of Allah we like to
laugh we like to celebrate life and I
wish more Americans would travel here I
always encourage my friends travel see
the Middle East there's so much to see
so many good people and as vice versa
and it helps stop problems of
misunderstanding and stereotypes of
happening for example I don't have you
heard about this a little while ago in
the u.s. there was a Muslim family
walking down the aisle of an airplane
talking about the safest place to sit on
the plane some passengers overheard them
somehow misconstrued that as terrorist
talk got them kicked off the plane it
was a family mother father child walking
out the whole time either sitting that
was a Middle Eastern male I know there's
certain things I'm not supposed to say
on an airplane in the US right not
supposed to be like walking down the
aisle and be like hi jack you know
that's not cool
even if I'm there with my friend named
Jack I said greetings jack salutations
yeah never hi jack but but now
apparently we can't even talk about the
safest place to sit on an airplane so my
advice to all my middle-eastern friends
and Muslim friends and anyone who looks
Middle Eastern or Muslim so - you know
Indians and the Latinos everyone if
you're brown here's my advice to my
brown friends the next time you're on an
airplane in the US just speak your
mother tongue that way no one knows what
you're saying life goes on granted some
other tongues might sound a little
threatening to the average American
right if you're walking down the aisle
speaking Arabic you know they might
freak them out you know if you're
walking la la la la
they might say what's he talking about
so the key to my Arab brothers and
sisters you got to throw in random good
words to put people at ease as you're
walking down the aisle just as you're
walking down a lemon lemon lemon hat
strawberry
[Applause]
helene a rainbow
tutti-frutti where he's gonna isaac the
plane with some ice cream
thank you very much have a good night
Thank You Ted
[Applause]