1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:15,289 I used to think the whole purpose of 2 00:00:15,289 --> 00:00:15,299 I used to think the whole purpose of 3 00:00:15,299 --> 00:00:19,040 I used to think the whole purpose of life was pursuing happiness everyone 4 00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:19,050 life was pursuing happiness everyone 5 00:00:19,050 --> 00:00:21,560 life was pursuing happiness everyone said the path to happiness was success 6 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:21,570 said the path to happiness was success 7 00:00:21,570 --> 00:00:24,740 said the path to happiness was success so I searched for that ideal job that 8 00:00:24,740 --> 00:00:24,750 so I searched for that ideal job that 9 00:00:24,750 --> 00:00:26,810 so I searched for that ideal job that perfect boyfriend that beautiful 10 00:00:26,810 --> 00:00:26,820 perfect boyfriend that beautiful 11 00:00:26,820 --> 00:00:30,830 perfect boyfriend that beautiful apartment but instead of ever feeling 12 00:00:30,830 --> 00:00:30,840 apartment but instead of ever feeling 13 00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:34,610 apartment but instead of ever feeling fulfilled I felt anxious and adrift and 14 00:00:34,610 --> 00:00:34,620 fulfilled I felt anxious and adrift and 15 00:00:34,620 --> 00:00:37,940 fulfilled I felt anxious and adrift and I wasn't alone my friends they struggled 16 00:00:37,940 --> 00:00:37,950 I wasn't alone my friends they struggled 17 00:00:37,950 --> 00:00:42,380 I wasn't alone my friends they struggled with this too eventually I decided to go 18 00:00:42,380 --> 00:00:42,390 with this too eventually I decided to go 19 00:00:42,390 --> 00:00:43,970 with this too eventually I decided to go to graduate school for positive 20 00:00:43,970 --> 00:00:43,980 to graduate school for positive 21 00:00:43,980 --> 00:00:46,670 to graduate school for positive psychology to learn what truly makes 22 00:00:46,670 --> 00:00:46,680 psychology to learn what truly makes 23 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:50,090 psychology to learn what truly makes people happy but what I discovered there 24 00:00:50,090 --> 00:00:50,100 people happy but what I discovered there 25 00:00:50,100 --> 00:00:53,540 people happy but what I discovered there changed my life the data showed that 26 00:00:53,540 --> 00:00:53,550 changed my life the data showed that 27 00:00:53,550 --> 00:00:55,910 changed my life the data showed that chasing happiness can make people 28 00:00:55,910 --> 00:00:55,920 chasing happiness can make people 29 00:00:55,920 --> 00:00:59,209 chasing happiness can make people unhappy and what really struck me was 30 00:00:59,209 --> 00:00:59,219 unhappy and what really struck me was 31 00:00:59,219 --> 00:01:02,450 unhappy and what really struck me was this the suicide rate has been rising 32 00:01:02,450 --> 00:01:02,460 this the suicide rate has been rising 33 00:01:02,460 --> 00:01:04,700 this the suicide rate has been rising around the world and it recently reached 34 00:01:04,700 --> 00:01:04,710 around the world and it recently reached 35 00:01:04,710 --> 00:01:08,060 around the world and it recently reached a 30-year high in America even though 36 00:01:08,060 --> 00:01:08,070 a 30-year high in America even though 37 00:01:08,070 --> 00:01:10,520 a 30-year high in America even though life is getting objectively better by 38 00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:10,530 life is getting objectively better by 39 00:01:10,530 --> 00:01:13,429 life is getting objectively better by nearly every conceivable standard more 40 00:01:13,429 --> 00:01:13,439 nearly every conceivable standard more 41 00:01:13,439 --> 00:01:17,320 nearly every conceivable standard more people feel hopeless depressed and alone 42 00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:17,330 people feel hopeless depressed and alone 43 00:01:17,330 --> 00:01:20,090 people feel hopeless depressed and alone there's an emptiness gnawing away at 44 00:01:20,090 --> 00:01:20,100 there's an emptiness gnawing away at 45 00:01:20,100 --> 00:01:21,590 there's an emptiness gnawing away at people and you don't have to be 46 00:01:21,590 --> 00:01:21,600 people and you don't have to be 47 00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:24,679 people and you don't have to be clinically depressed to feel it sooner 48 00:01:24,679 --> 00:01:24,689 clinically depressed to feel it sooner 49 00:01:24,689 --> 00:01:28,190 clinically depressed to feel it sooner or later I think we all wonder is this 50 00:01:28,190 --> 00:01:28,200 or later I think we all wonder is this 51 00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:31,880 or later I think we all wonder is this all there is and according to the 52 00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:31,890 all there is and according to the 53 00:01:31,890 --> 00:01:34,219 all there is and according to the research what predicts this despair is 54 00:01:34,219 --> 00:01:34,229 research what predicts this despair is 55 00:01:34,229 --> 00:01:36,679 research what predicts this despair is not a lack of happiness it's a lack of 56 00:01:36,679 --> 00:01:36,689 not a lack of happiness it's a lack of 57 00:01:36,689 --> 00:01:40,580 not a lack of happiness it's a lack of something else a lack of having meaning 58 00:01:40,580 --> 00:01:40,590 something else a lack of having meaning 59 00:01:40,590 --> 00:01:44,450 something else a lack of having meaning in life but that raised some questions 60 00:01:44,450 --> 00:01:44,460 in life but that raised some questions 61 00:01:44,460 --> 00:01:47,480 in life but that raised some questions for me is there more to life than being 62 00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:47,490 for me is there more to life than being 63 00:01:47,490 --> 00:01:50,359 for me is there more to life than being happy and what's the difference between 64 00:01:50,359 --> 00:01:50,369 happy and what's the difference between 65 00:01:50,369 --> 00:01:54,039 happy and what's the difference between being happy and having meaning in life 66 00:01:54,039 --> 00:01:54,049 being happy and having meaning in life 67 00:01:54,049 --> 00:01:57,080 being happy and having meaning in life many psychologists define happiness as a 68 00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:57,090 many psychologists define happiness as a 69 00:01:57,090 --> 00:01:59,959 many psychologists define happiness as a state of comfort and ease feeling good 70 00:01:59,959 --> 00:01:59,969 state of comfort and ease feeling good 71 00:01:59,969 --> 00:02:01,480 state of comfort and ease feeling good in the moment 72 00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:01,490 in the moment 73 00:02:01,490 --> 00:02:04,670 in the moment meaning though is deeper the renowned 74 00:02:04,670 --> 00:02:04,680 meaning though is deeper the renowned 75 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:06,649 meaning though is deeper the renowned psychologist Martin Seligman says 76 00:02:06,649 --> 00:02:06,659 psychologist Martin Seligman says 77 00:02:06,659 --> 00:02:08,779 psychologist Martin Seligman says meaning comes from belonging to and 78 00:02:08,779 --> 00:02:08,789 meaning comes from belonging to and 79 00:02:08,789 --> 00:02:10,940 meaning comes from belonging to and serving something beyond yourself 80 00:02:10,940 --> 00:02:10,950 serving something beyond yourself 81 00:02:10,950 --> 00:02:14,650 serving something beyond yourself and from developing the best within you 82 00:02:14,650 --> 00:02:14,660 and from developing the best within you 83 00:02:14,660 --> 00:02:17,960 and from developing the best within you our culture is obsessed with happiness 84 00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:17,970 our culture is obsessed with happiness 85 00:02:17,970 --> 00:02:19,910 our culture is obsessed with happiness but I came to see that seeking meaning 86 00:02:19,910 --> 00:02:19,920 but I came to see that seeking meaning 87 00:02:19,920 --> 00:02:22,820 but I came to see that seeking meaning is the more fulfilling path and the 88 00:02:22,820 --> 00:02:22,830 is the more fulfilling path and the 89 00:02:22,830 --> 00:02:24,140 is the more fulfilling path and the study showed that people who have 90 00:02:24,140 --> 00:02:24,150 study showed that people who have 91 00:02:24,150 --> 00:02:26,210 study showed that people who have meaning in life they're more resilient 92 00:02:26,210 --> 00:02:26,220 meaning in life they're more resilient 93 00:02:26,220 --> 00:02:28,910 meaning in life they're more resilient they do better in school and at work and 94 00:02:28,910 --> 00:02:28,920 they do better in school and at work and 95 00:02:28,920 --> 00:02:32,690 they do better in school and at work and they even live longer so this all made 96 00:02:32,690 --> 00:02:32,700 they even live longer so this all made 97 00:02:32,700 --> 00:02:35,420 they even live longer so this all made me wonder how can we each live more 98 00:02:35,420 --> 00:02:35,430 me wonder how can we each live more 99 00:02:35,430 --> 00:02:39,380 me wonder how can we each live more meaningfully to find out I spent five 100 00:02:39,380 --> 00:02:39,390 meaningfully to find out I spent five 101 00:02:39,390 --> 00:02:41,360 meaningfully to find out I spent five years interviewing hundreds of people 102 00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:41,370 years interviewing hundreds of people 103 00:02:41,370 --> 00:02:43,040 years interviewing hundreds of people and reading through thousands of pages 104 00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:43,050 and reading through thousands of pages 105 00:02:43,050 --> 00:02:45,500 and reading through thousands of pages of psychology neuroscience and 106 00:02:45,500 --> 00:02:45,510 of psychology neuroscience and 107 00:02:45,510 --> 00:02:48,890 of psychology neuroscience and philosophy bringing it all together I 108 00:02:48,890 --> 00:02:48,900 philosophy bringing it all together I 109 00:02:48,900 --> 00:02:51,860 philosophy bringing it all together I found that there are what I call four 110 00:02:51,860 --> 00:02:51,870 found that there are what I call four 111 00:02:51,870 --> 00:02:54,890 found that there are what I call four pillars of a meaningful life and we can 112 00:02:54,890 --> 00:02:54,900 pillars of a meaningful life and we can 113 00:02:54,900 --> 00:02:57,229 pillars of a meaningful life and we can each create lives of meaning by building 114 00:02:57,229 --> 00:02:57,239 each create lives of meaning by building 115 00:02:57,239 --> 00:02:59,360 each create lives of meaning by building some or all of these pillars in our 116 00:02:59,360 --> 00:02:59,370 some or all of these pillars in our 117 00:02:59,370 --> 00:03:03,699 some or all of these pillars in our lives the first pillar is belonging 118 00:03:03,699 --> 00:03:03,709 lives the first pillar is belonging 119 00:03:03,709 --> 00:03:05,840 lives the first pillar is belonging belonging comes from being in 120 00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:05,850 belonging comes from being in 121 00:03:05,850 --> 00:03:07,520 belonging comes from being in relationships where you're valued for 122 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:07,530 relationships where you're valued for 123 00:03:07,530 --> 00:03:09,710 relationships where you're valued for who you are intrinsically and where you 124 00:03:09,710 --> 00:03:09,720 who you are intrinsically and where you 125 00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:13,250 who you are intrinsically and where you value others as well but some groups and 126 00:03:13,250 --> 00:03:13,260 value others as well but some groups and 127 00:03:13,260 --> 00:03:15,860 value others as well but some groups and relationships deliver a cheap form of 128 00:03:15,860 --> 00:03:15,870 relationships deliver a cheap form of 129 00:03:15,870 --> 00:03:18,050 relationships deliver a cheap form of belonging you're valued for what you 130 00:03:18,050 --> 00:03:18,060 belonging you're valued for what you 131 00:03:18,060 --> 00:03:20,840 belonging you're valued for what you believe for who you hate not for who you 132 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:20,850 believe for who you hate not for who you 133 00:03:20,850 --> 00:03:21,640 believe for who you hate not for who you are 134 00:03:21,640 --> 00:03:21,650 are 135 00:03:21,650 --> 00:03:25,069 are true belonging Springs from love it 136 00:03:25,069 --> 00:03:25,079 true belonging Springs from love it 137 00:03:25,079 --> 00:03:27,979 true belonging Springs from love it lives in moments among individuals and 138 00:03:27,979 --> 00:03:27,989 lives in moments among individuals and 139 00:03:27,989 --> 00:03:29,900 lives in moments among individuals and it's a choice you can choose to 140 00:03:29,900 --> 00:03:29,910 it's a choice you can choose to 141 00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:32,780 it's a choice you can choose to cultivate belonging with others here's 142 00:03:32,780 --> 00:03:32,790 cultivate belonging with others here's 143 00:03:32,790 --> 00:03:33,530 cultivate belonging with others here's an example 144 00:03:33,530 --> 00:03:33,540 an example 145 00:03:33,540 --> 00:03:36,650 an example each morning my friend Jonathan buys a 146 00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:36,660 each morning my friend Jonathan buys a 147 00:03:36,660 --> 00:03:39,050 each morning my friend Jonathan buys a newspaper from the same street vendor in 148 00:03:39,050 --> 00:03:39,060 newspaper from the same street vendor in 149 00:03:39,060 --> 00:03:41,630 newspaper from the same street vendor in New York they don't just conduct a 150 00:03:41,630 --> 00:03:41,640 New York they don't just conduct a 151 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:43,460 New York they don't just conduct a transaction though they take a moment to 152 00:03:43,460 --> 00:03:43,470 transaction though they take a moment to 153 00:03:43,470 --> 00:03:46,160 transaction though they take a moment to slow down talk and treat each other like 154 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:46,170 slow down talk and treat each other like 155 00:03:46,170 --> 00:03:49,910 slow down talk and treat each other like humans but one time Jonathan didn't have 156 00:03:49,910 --> 00:03:49,920 humans but one time Jonathan didn't have 157 00:03:49,920 --> 00:03:52,220 humans but one time Jonathan didn't have the right change and the vendor said 158 00:03:52,220 --> 00:03:52,230 the right change and the vendor said 159 00:03:52,230 --> 00:03:54,560 the right change and the vendor said don't worry about it but Jonathan 160 00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:54,570 don't worry about it but Jonathan 161 00:03:54,570 --> 00:03:57,350 don't worry about it but Jonathan insisted on paying so he went to the 162 00:03:57,350 --> 00:03:57,360 insisted on paying so he went to the 163 00:03:57,360 --> 00:03:59,300 insisted on paying so he went to the store and bought something he didn't 164 00:03:59,300 --> 00:03:59,310 store and bought something he didn't 165 00:03:59,310 --> 00:04:02,660 store and bought something he didn't need to make change but when he gave the 166 00:04:02,660 --> 00:04:02,670 need to make change but when he gave the 167 00:04:02,670 --> 00:04:05,890 need to make change but when he gave the money to the vendor the vendor drew back 168 00:04:05,890 --> 00:04:05,900 money to the vendor the vendor drew back 169 00:04:05,900 --> 00:04:09,560 money to the vendor the vendor drew back he was heard he was trying to do 170 00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:09,570 he was heard he was trying to do 171 00:04:09,570 --> 00:04:11,780 he was heard he was trying to do something kind but Jonathan had rejected 172 00:04:11,780 --> 00:04:11,790 something kind but Jonathan had rejected 173 00:04:11,790 --> 00:04:15,949 something kind but Jonathan had rejected him I think we all reject people in 174 00:04:15,949 --> 00:04:15,959 him I think we all reject people in 175 00:04:15,959 --> 00:04:17,810 him I think we all reject people in small ways like this without realizing 176 00:04:17,810 --> 00:04:17,820 small ways like this without realizing 177 00:04:17,820 --> 00:04:21,199 small ways like this without realizing it I do I'll walk by someone I know and 178 00:04:21,199 --> 00:04:21,209 it I do I'll walk by someone I know and 179 00:04:21,209 --> 00:04:23,220 it I do I'll walk by someone I know and barely acknowledge them I'll check my 180 00:04:23,220 --> 00:04:23,230 barely acknowledge them I'll check my 181 00:04:23,230 --> 00:04:26,130 barely acknowledge them I'll check my when someone's talking to me these acts 182 00:04:26,130 --> 00:04:26,140 when someone's talking to me these acts 183 00:04:26,140 --> 00:04:28,290 when someone's talking to me these acts devalue others they make them feel 184 00:04:28,290 --> 00:04:28,300 devalue others they make them feel 185 00:04:28,300 --> 00:04:31,740 devalue others they make them feel invisible and unworthy but when you lead 186 00:04:31,740 --> 00:04:31,750 invisible and unworthy but when you lead 187 00:04:31,750 --> 00:04:34,350 invisible and unworthy but when you lead with love you create a bond that lifts 188 00:04:34,350 --> 00:04:34,360 with love you create a bond that lifts 189 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:38,070 with love you create a bond that lifts each of you up for many people belonging 190 00:04:38,070 --> 00:04:38,080 each of you up for many people belonging 191 00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:40,290 each of you up for many people belonging is the most essential source of meaning 192 00:04:40,290 --> 00:04:40,300 is the most essential source of meaning 193 00:04:40,300 --> 00:04:43,260 is the most essential source of meaning those bonds to family and friends for 194 00:04:43,260 --> 00:04:43,270 those bonds to family and friends for 195 00:04:43,270 --> 00:04:45,330 those bonds to family and friends for others the key to meaning is the second 196 00:04:45,330 --> 00:04:45,340 others the key to meaning is the second 197 00:04:45,340 --> 00:04:49,350 others the key to meaning is the second pillar purpose now finding your purpose 198 00:04:49,350 --> 00:04:49,360 pillar purpose now finding your purpose 199 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:51,240 pillar purpose now finding your purpose is not the same thing as finding that 200 00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:51,250 is not the same thing as finding that 201 00:04:51,250 --> 00:04:52,820 is not the same thing as finding that job that makes you happy 202 00:04:52,820 --> 00:04:52,830 job that makes you happy 203 00:04:52,830 --> 00:04:55,260 job that makes you happy purpose is less about what you want then 204 00:04:55,260 --> 00:04:55,270 purpose is less about what you want then 205 00:04:55,270 --> 00:04:58,110 purpose is less about what you want then about what you give a hospital custodian 206 00:04:58,110 --> 00:04:58,120 about what you give a hospital custodian 207 00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:00,330 about what you give a hospital custodian told me her purpose is healing sick 208 00:05:00,330 --> 00:05:00,340 told me her purpose is healing sick 209 00:05:00,340 --> 00:05:03,480 told me her purpose is healing sick people many parents tell me my purpose 210 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:03,490 people many parents tell me my purpose 211 00:05:03,490 --> 00:05:06,000 people many parents tell me my purpose is raising my children the key to 212 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:06,010 is raising my children the key to 213 00:05:06,010 --> 00:05:08,340 is raising my children the key to purpose is using your strengths to serve 214 00:05:08,340 --> 00:05:08,350 purpose is using your strengths to serve 215 00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:11,670 purpose is using your strengths to serve others of course for many of us that 216 00:05:11,670 --> 00:05:11,680 others of course for many of us that 217 00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:14,370 others of course for many of us that happens through work that's how we 218 00:05:14,370 --> 00:05:14,380 happens through work that's how we 219 00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:17,340 happens through work that's how we contribute and feel needed but that also 220 00:05:17,340 --> 00:05:17,350 contribute and feel needed but that also 221 00:05:17,350 --> 00:05:19,920 contribute and feel needed but that also means that issues like disengagement at 222 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:19,930 means that issues like disengagement at 223 00:05:19,930 --> 00:05:23,070 means that issues like disengagement at work unemployment low labor force 224 00:05:23,070 --> 00:05:23,080 work unemployment low labor force 225 00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:25,620 work unemployment low labor force participation these aren't just economic 226 00:05:25,620 --> 00:05:25,630 participation these aren't just economic 227 00:05:25,630 --> 00:05:27,920 participation these aren't just economic problems they're existential ones too 228 00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:27,930 problems they're existential ones too 229 00:05:27,930 --> 00:05:30,630 problems they're existential ones too without something worthwhile to do 230 00:05:30,630 --> 00:05:30,640 without something worthwhile to do 231 00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:34,380 without something worthwhile to do people flounder of course you don't have 232 00:05:34,380 --> 00:05:34,390 people flounder of course you don't have 233 00:05:34,390 --> 00:05:36,540 people flounder of course you don't have to find purpose at work but purpose 234 00:05:36,540 --> 00:05:36,550 to find purpose at work but purpose 235 00:05:36,550 --> 00:05:39,210 to find purpose at work but purpose gives you something to live for some why 236 00:05:39,210 --> 00:05:39,220 gives you something to live for some why 237 00:05:39,220 --> 00:05:43,650 gives you something to live for some why that drives you forward the third pillar 238 00:05:43,650 --> 00:05:43,660 that drives you forward the third pillar 239 00:05:43,660 --> 00:05:45,600 that drives you forward the third pillar of meaning is also about stepping beyond 240 00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:45,610 of meaning is also about stepping beyond 241 00:05:45,610 --> 00:05:47,100 of meaning is also about stepping beyond yourself but in a completely different 242 00:05:47,100 --> 00:05:47,110 yourself but in a completely different 243 00:05:47,110 --> 00:05:48,080 yourself but in a completely different way 244 00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:48,090 way 245 00:05:48,090 --> 00:05:51,120 way transcendence transcendent States are 246 00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:51,130 transcendence transcendent States are 247 00:05:51,130 --> 00:05:53,010 transcendence transcendent States are those rare moments when you're lifted 248 00:05:53,010 --> 00:05:53,020 those rare moments when you're lifted 249 00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:54,750 those rare moments when you're lifted above the hustle and bustle of daily 250 00:05:54,750 --> 00:05:54,760 above the hustle and bustle of daily 251 00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:57,480 above the hustle and bustle of daily life your sense of self fades away and 252 00:05:57,480 --> 00:05:57,490 life your sense of self fades away and 253 00:05:57,490 --> 00:06:00,320 life your sense of self fades away and you feel connected to a higher reality 254 00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:00,330 you feel connected to a higher reality 255 00:06:00,330 --> 00:06:02,970 you feel connected to a higher reality for one person I talked to transcendence 256 00:06:02,970 --> 00:06:02,980 for one person I talked to transcendence 257 00:06:02,980 --> 00:06:05,760 for one person I talked to transcendence came from seeing arts for another person 258 00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:05,770 came from seeing arts for another person 259 00:06:05,770 --> 00:06:09,060 came from seeing arts for another person it was at church for me I'm a writer and 260 00:06:09,060 --> 00:06:09,070 it was at church for me I'm a writer and 261 00:06:09,070 --> 00:06:11,460 it was at church for me I'm a writer and it happens through writing sometimes 262 00:06:11,460 --> 00:06:11,470 it happens through writing sometimes 263 00:06:11,470 --> 00:06:13,020 it happens through writing sometimes they get so in the zone 264 00:06:13,020 --> 00:06:13,030 they get so in the zone 265 00:06:13,030 --> 00:06:15,210 they get so in the zone that I lose all sense of time and place 266 00:06:15,210 --> 00:06:15,220 that I lose all sense of time and place 267 00:06:15,220 --> 00:06:18,600 that I lose all sense of time and place and these transcendent experiences can 268 00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:18,610 and these transcendent experiences can 269 00:06:18,610 --> 00:06:19,320 and these transcendent experiences can change you 270 00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:19,330 change you 271 00:06:19,330 --> 00:06:22,140 change you one study had students look up at 200 272 00:06:22,140 --> 00:06:22,150 one study had students look up at 200 273 00:06:22,150 --> 00:06:24,750 one study had students look up at 200 feet tall eucalyptus trees for one 274 00:06:24,750 --> 00:06:24,760 feet tall eucalyptus trees for one 275 00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:27,390 feet tall eucalyptus trees for one minute but afterwards they felt less 276 00:06:27,390 --> 00:06:27,400 minute but afterwards they felt less 277 00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:29,430 minute but afterwards they felt less self centered and they even behaved more 278 00:06:29,430 --> 00:06:29,440 self centered and they even behaved more 279 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:31,350 self centered and they even behaved more generously when given the chance to help 280 00:06:31,350 --> 00:06:31,360 generously when given the chance to help 281 00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:35,900 generously when given the chance to help someone belonging purpose 282 00:06:35,900 --> 00:06:35,910 someone belonging purpose 283 00:06:35,910 --> 00:06:39,530 someone belonging purpose transcendence now the fourth pillar of 284 00:06:39,530 --> 00:06:39,540 transcendence now the fourth pillar of 285 00:06:39,540 --> 00:06:40,160 transcendence now the fourth pillar of meaning 286 00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:40,170 meaning 287 00:06:40,170 --> 00:06:43,460 meaning I found tends to surprise people the 288 00:06:43,460 --> 00:06:43,470 I found tends to surprise people the 289 00:06:43,470 --> 00:06:46,490 I found tends to surprise people the fourth pillar is storytelling the story 290 00:06:46,490 --> 00:06:46,500 fourth pillar is storytelling the story 291 00:06:46,500 --> 00:06:49,180 fourth pillar is storytelling the story you tell yourself about yourself 292 00:06:49,180 --> 00:06:49,190 you tell yourself about yourself 293 00:06:49,190 --> 00:06:52,220 you tell yourself about yourself creating a narrative from the events of 294 00:06:52,220 --> 00:06:52,230 creating a narrative from the events of 295 00:06:52,230 --> 00:06:54,050 creating a narrative from the events of your life brings clarity it helps you 296 00:06:54,050 --> 00:06:54,060 your life brings clarity it helps you 297 00:06:54,060 --> 00:06:57,890 your life brings clarity it helps you understand how you became you but we 298 00:06:57,890 --> 00:06:57,900 understand how you became you but we 299 00:06:57,900 --> 00:06:59,210 understand how you became you but we don't always realize that were the 300 00:06:59,210 --> 00:06:59,220 don't always realize that were the 301 00:06:59,220 --> 00:07:01,160 don't always realize that were the authors of our stories and can change 302 00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:01,170 authors of our stories and can change 303 00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:03,290 authors of our stories and can change the way we're telling them your life 304 00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:03,300 the way we're telling them your life 305 00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:06,100 the way we're telling them your life isn't just a list of events you can edit 306 00:07:06,100 --> 00:07:06,110 isn't just a list of events you can edit 307 00:07:06,110 --> 00:07:09,020 isn't just a list of events you can edit interpret and retell your story even as 308 00:07:09,020 --> 00:07:09,030 interpret and retell your story even as 309 00:07:09,030 --> 00:07:11,960 interpret and retell your story even as you're constrained by the facts I met a 310 00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:11,970 you're constrained by the facts I met a 311 00:07:11,970 --> 00:07:14,270 you're constrained by the facts I met a young man named Amica who had been 312 00:07:14,270 --> 00:07:14,280 young man named Amica who had been 313 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:17,390 young man named Amica who had been paralyzed playing football after his 314 00:07:17,390 --> 00:07:17,400 paralyzed playing football after his 315 00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:17,900 paralyzed playing football after his injury 316 00:07:17,900 --> 00:07:17,910 injury 317 00:07:17,910 --> 00:07:20,660 injury Amica told himself my life was great 318 00:07:20,660 --> 00:07:20,670 Amica told himself my life was great 319 00:07:20,670 --> 00:07:25,060 Amica told himself my life was great playing football but now look at me 320 00:07:25,060 --> 00:07:25,070 playing football but now look at me 321 00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:28,340 playing football but now look at me people who tell stories like this my 322 00:07:28,340 --> 00:07:28,350 people who tell stories like this my 323 00:07:28,350 --> 00:07:31,280 people who tell stories like this my life was good now it's bad they tend to 324 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:31,290 life was good now it's bad they tend to 325 00:07:31,290 --> 00:07:33,920 life was good now it's bad they tend to be more anxious and depressed and that 326 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:33,930 be more anxious and depressed and that 327 00:07:33,930 --> 00:07:37,190 be more anxious and depressed and that was Amica for a while but was time he 328 00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:37,200 was Amica for a while but was time he 329 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:40,460 was Amica for a while but was time he started to weave a different story his 330 00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:40,470 started to weave a different story his 331 00:07:40,470 --> 00:07:43,820 started to weave a different story his new story was before my injury my life 332 00:07:43,820 --> 00:07:43,830 new story was before my injury my life 333 00:07:43,830 --> 00:07:46,790 new story was before my injury my life was purposeless I partied a lot and was 334 00:07:46,790 --> 00:07:46,800 was purposeless I partied a lot and was 335 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,730 was purposeless I partied a lot and was a pretty selfish guy but my injury made 336 00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:49,740 a pretty selfish guy but my injury made 337 00:07:49,740 --> 00:07:53,020 a pretty selfish guy but my injury made me realize I could be a better man that 338 00:07:53,020 --> 00:07:53,030 me realize I could be a better man that 339 00:07:53,030 --> 00:07:56,290 me realize I could be a better man that edit to a story changed em'ly cos life 340 00:07:56,290 --> 00:07:56,300 edit to a story changed em'ly cos life 341 00:07:56,300 --> 00:07:59,060 edit to a story changed em'ly cos life after telling the new story to himself 342 00:07:59,060 --> 00:07:59,070 after telling the new story to himself 343 00:07:59,070 --> 00:08:01,490 after telling the new story to himself Amica started mentoring kids and he 344 00:08:01,490 --> 00:08:01,500 Amica started mentoring kids and he 345 00:08:01,500 --> 00:08:04,220 Amica started mentoring kids and he discovered what his purpose was serving 346 00:08:04,220 --> 00:08:04,230 discovered what his purpose was serving 347 00:08:04,230 --> 00:08:07,400 discovered what his purpose was serving others the psychologist Dan McAdams 348 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:07,410 others the psychologist Dan McAdams 349 00:08:07,410 --> 00:08:09,680 others the psychologist Dan McAdams calls this a redemptive story where the 350 00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:09,690 calls this a redemptive story where the 351 00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:12,860 calls this a redemptive story where the bad is redeemed by the good people 352 00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:12,870 bad is redeemed by the good people 353 00:08:12,870 --> 00:08:14,690 bad is redeemed by the good people leading meaningful lives he's found they 354 00:08:14,690 --> 00:08:14,700 leading meaningful lives he's found they 355 00:08:14,700 --> 00:08:16,250 leading meaningful lives he's found they tend to tell stories about their lives 356 00:08:16,250 --> 00:08:16,260 tend to tell stories about their lives 357 00:08:16,260 --> 00:08:19,810 tend to tell stories about their lives defined by Redemption growth and love 358 00:08:19,810 --> 00:08:19,820 defined by Redemption growth and love 359 00:08:19,820 --> 00:08:22,130 defined by Redemption growth and love but what makes people change their 360 00:08:22,130 --> 00:08:22,140 but what makes people change their 361 00:08:22,140 --> 00:08:24,770 but what makes people change their stories some people get help from a 362 00:08:24,770 --> 00:08:24,780 stories some people get help from a 363 00:08:24,780 --> 00:08:26,750 stories some people get help from a therapist but you can do it on your own 364 00:08:26,750 --> 00:08:26,760 therapist but you can do it on your own 365 00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:28,910 therapist but you can do it on your own too just by reflecting on your life 366 00:08:28,910 --> 00:08:28,920 too just by reflecting on your life 367 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:30,710 too just by reflecting on your life thoughtfully how you're defining 368 00:08:30,710 --> 00:08:30,720 thoughtfully how you're defining 369 00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:32,719 thoughtfully how you're defining experience is shaped you what you lost 370 00:08:32,719 --> 00:08:32,729 experience is shaped you what you lost 371 00:08:32,729 --> 00:08:36,100 experience is shaped you what you lost what you gained that's what Amica did 372 00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:36,110 what you gained that's what Amica did 373 00:08:36,110 --> 00:08:38,930 what you gained that's what Amica did you won't change your story overnight it 374 00:08:38,930 --> 00:08:38,940 you won't change your story overnight it 375 00:08:38,940 --> 00:08:41,719 you won't change your story overnight it could take years and be painful after 376 00:08:41,719 --> 00:08:41,729 could take years and be painful after 377 00:08:41,729 --> 00:08:43,370 could take years and be painful after all we've all suffered and we all 378 00:08:43,370 --> 00:08:43,380 all we've all suffered and we all 379 00:08:43,380 --> 00:08:46,280 all we've all suffered and we all struggle but embracing those painful 380 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:46,290 struggle but embracing those painful 381 00:08:46,290 --> 00:08:48,260 struggle but embracing those painful memories can lead to new insights and 382 00:08:48,260 --> 00:08:48,270 memories can lead to new insights and 383 00:08:48,270 --> 00:08:48,750 memories can lead to new insights and wisdom 384 00:08:48,750 --> 00:08:48,760 wisdom 385 00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:53,870 wisdom to finding that good that sustains you 386 00:08:53,870 --> 00:08:53,880 387 00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:57,740 belonging purpose transcendence 388 00:08:57,740 --> 00:08:57,750 belonging purpose transcendence 389 00:08:57,750 --> 00:09:01,110 belonging purpose transcendence storytelling those are the four pillars 390 00:09:01,110 --> 00:09:01,120 storytelling those are the four pillars 391 00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:05,460 storytelling those are the four pillars of meaning when I was younger I was 392 00:09:05,460 --> 00:09:05,470 of meaning when I was younger I was 393 00:09:05,470 --> 00:09:07,950 of meaning when I was younger I was lucky enough to be surrounded by all of 394 00:09:07,950 --> 00:09:07,960 lucky enough to be surrounded by all of 395 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:11,160 lucky enough to be surrounded by all of the pillars my parents ran a Sufi 396 00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:11,170 the pillars my parents ran a Sufi 397 00:09:11,170 --> 00:09:14,180 the pillars my parents ran a Sufi meeting house from our home in Montreal 398 00:09:14,180 --> 00:09:14,190 meeting house from our home in Montreal 399 00:09:14,190 --> 00:09:16,830 meeting house from our home in Montreal Sufism is a spiritual practice 400 00:09:16,830 --> 00:09:16,840 Sufism is a spiritual practice 401 00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:18,750 Sufism is a spiritual practice associated with the whirling dervishes 402 00:09:18,750 --> 00:09:18,760 associated with the whirling dervishes 403 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:22,530 associated with the whirling dervishes and the poet Rumi twice a week Sufis 404 00:09:22,530 --> 00:09:22,540 and the poet Rumi twice a week Sufis 405 00:09:22,540 --> 00:09:25,320 and the poet Rumi twice a week Sufis would come to our home to meditate drink 406 00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:25,330 would come to our home to meditate drink 407 00:09:25,330 --> 00:09:28,350 would come to our home to meditate drink Persian tea and share stories their 408 00:09:28,350 --> 00:09:28,360 Persian tea and share stories their 409 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:30,270 Persian tea and share stories their practice also involved serving all of 410 00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:30,280 practice also involved serving all of 411 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:32,340 practice also involved serving all of creation through small acts of love 412 00:09:32,340 --> 00:09:32,350 creation through small acts of love 413 00:09:32,350 --> 00:09:34,890 creation through small acts of love which meant being kind even when people 414 00:09:34,890 --> 00:09:34,900 which meant being kind even when people 415 00:09:34,900 --> 00:09:37,170 which meant being kind even when people wronged you but it gave them a purpose 416 00:09:37,170 --> 00:09:37,180 wronged you but it gave them a purpose 417 00:09:37,180 --> 00:09:42,090 wronged you but it gave them a purpose to rein in the ego eventually I left 418 00:09:42,090 --> 00:09:42,100 to rein in the ego eventually I left 419 00:09:42,100 --> 00:09:45,060 to rein in the ego eventually I left home for college and without the daily 420 00:09:45,060 --> 00:09:45,070 home for college and without the daily 421 00:09:45,070 --> 00:09:47,580 home for college and without the daily grounding of Sufism in my life I felt 422 00:09:47,580 --> 00:09:47,590 grounding of Sufism in my life I felt 423 00:09:47,590 --> 00:09:49,830 grounding of Sufism in my life I felt unmoored and I started searching for 424 00:09:49,830 --> 00:09:49,840 unmoored and I started searching for 425 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:51,780 unmoored and I started searching for those things that make life worth living 426 00:09:51,780 --> 00:09:51,790 those things that make life worth living 427 00:09:51,790 --> 00:09:54,320 those things that make life worth living that's what set me on this journey 428 00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:54,330 that's what set me on this journey 429 00:09:54,330 --> 00:09:57,300 that's what set me on this journey looking back I now realize that the Sufi 430 00:09:57,300 --> 00:09:57,310 looking back I now realize that the Sufi 431 00:09:57,310 --> 00:10:00,090 looking back I now realize that the Sufi house had a real culture of meaning the 432 00:10:00,090 --> 00:10:00,100 house had a real culture of meaning the 433 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,100 house had a real culture of meaning the pillars were part of the architecture 434 00:10:02,100 --> 00:10:02,110 pillars were part of the architecture 435 00:10:02,110 --> 00:10:03,990 pillars were part of the architecture and the presence of the pillars helped 436 00:10:03,990 --> 00:10:04,000 and the presence of the pillars helped 437 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:07,170 and the presence of the pillars helped us all live more deeply of course the 438 00:10:07,170 --> 00:10:07,180 us all live more deeply of course the 439 00:10:07,180 --> 00:10:09,450 us all live more deeply of course the same principle applies in other strong 440 00:10:09,450 --> 00:10:09,460 same principle applies in other strong 441 00:10:09,460 --> 00:10:11,640 same principle applies in other strong communities as well good ones and bad 442 00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:11,650 communities as well good ones and bad 443 00:10:11,650 --> 00:10:12,740 communities as well good ones and bad ones 444 00:10:12,740 --> 00:10:12,750 ones 445 00:10:12,750 --> 00:10:16,920 ones gangs cults these are cultures of 446 00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:16,930 gangs cults these are cultures of 447 00:10:16,930 --> 00:10:18,960 gangs cults these are cultures of meaning that used the pillars and give 448 00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:18,970 meaning that used the pillars and give 449 00:10:18,970 --> 00:10:22,050 meaning that used the pillars and give people something to live and die for but 450 00:10:22,050 --> 00:10:22,060 people something to live and die for but 451 00:10:22,060 --> 00:10:25,140 people something to live and die for but that's exactly why we as a society must 452 00:10:25,140 --> 00:10:25,150 that's exactly why we as a society must 453 00:10:25,150 --> 00:10:27,570 that's exactly why we as a society must offer better alternatives we need to 454 00:10:27,570 --> 00:10:27,580 offer better alternatives we need to 455 00:10:27,580 --> 00:10:29,190 offer better alternatives we need to build these pillars within our families 456 00:10:29,190 --> 00:10:29,200 build these pillars within our families 457 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:31,290 build these pillars within our families and our institutions to help people 458 00:10:31,290 --> 00:10:31,300 and our institutions to help people 459 00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:35,010 and our institutions to help people become their best selves but living a 460 00:10:35,010 --> 00:10:35,020 become their best selves but living a 461 00:10:35,020 --> 00:10:37,080 become their best selves but living a meaningful life takes work it's an 462 00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:37,090 meaningful life takes work it's an 463 00:10:37,090 --> 00:10:40,170 meaningful life takes work it's an ongoing process as each day goes by 464 00:10:40,170 --> 00:10:40,180 ongoing process as each day goes by 465 00:10:40,180 --> 00:10:42,120 ongoing process as each day goes by we're constantly creating our lives 466 00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:42,130 we're constantly creating our lives 467 00:10:42,130 --> 00:10:46,230 we're constantly creating our lives adding to our story and sometimes we can 468 00:10:46,230 --> 00:10:46,240 adding to our story and sometimes we can 469 00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:49,410 adding to our story and sometimes we can get off track whenever that happens to 470 00:10:49,410 --> 00:10:49,420 get off track whenever that happens to 471 00:10:49,420 --> 00:10:52,020 get off track whenever that happens to me I remember a powerful experience I 472 00:10:52,020 --> 00:10:52,030 me I remember a powerful experience I 473 00:10:52,030 --> 00:10:56,760 me I remember a powerful experience I had with my father several months after 474 00:10:56,760 --> 00:10:56,770 had with my father several months after 475 00:10:56,770 --> 00:10:59,460 had with my father several months after I graduated from college my dad had a 476 00:10:59,460 --> 00:10:59,470 I graduated from college my dad had a 477 00:10:59,470 --> 00:11:01,230 I graduated from college my dad had a massive heart attack that should have 478 00:11:01,230 --> 00:11:01,240 massive heart attack that should have 479 00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:02,150 massive heart attack that should have killed him 480 00:11:02,150 --> 00:11:02,160 killed him 481 00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:05,040 killed him he survived and when I asked him what 482 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:05,050 he survived and when I asked him what 483 00:11:05,050 --> 00:11:06,810 he survived and when I asked him what was going through his mind as he faced 484 00:11:06,810 --> 00:11:06,820 was going through his mind as he faced 485 00:11:06,820 --> 00:11:09,090 was going through his mind as he faced death he said all he could think about 486 00:11:09,090 --> 00:11:09,100 death he said all he could think about 487 00:11:09,100 --> 00:11:11,250 death he said all he could think about was needing to live so he could be there 488 00:11:11,250 --> 00:11:11,260 was needing to live so he could be there 489 00:11:11,260 --> 00:11:13,560 was needing to live so he could be there for my brother and me and this gave him 490 00:11:13,560 --> 00:11:13,570 for my brother and me and this gave him 491 00:11:13,570 --> 00:11:16,470 for my brother and me and this gave him the will to fight for life when he went 492 00:11:16,470 --> 00:11:16,480 the will to fight for life when he went 493 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:18,560 the will to fight for life when he went under anesthesia for emergency surgery 494 00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:18,570 under anesthesia for emergency surgery 495 00:11:18,570 --> 00:11:21,090 under anesthesia for emergency surgery instead of counting backwards from ten 496 00:11:21,090 --> 00:11:21,100 instead of counting backwards from ten 497 00:11:21,100 --> 00:11:25,860 instead of counting backwards from ten he repeated our names like a mantra he 498 00:11:25,860 --> 00:11:25,870 he repeated our names like a mantra he 499 00:11:25,870 --> 00:11:28,290 he repeated our names like a mantra he wanted our names to be the last words he 500 00:11:28,290 --> 00:11:28,300 wanted our names to be the last words he 501 00:11:28,300 --> 00:11:34,290 wanted our names to be the last words he spoke on earth if he died my dad is a 502 00:11:34,290 --> 00:11:34,300 spoke on earth if he died my dad is a 503 00:11:34,300 --> 00:11:37,980 spoke on earth if he died my dad is a carpenter and a Sufi it's a humble life 504 00:11:37,980 --> 00:11:37,990 carpenter and a Sufi it's a humble life 505 00:11:37,990 --> 00:11:42,000 carpenter and a Sufi it's a humble life but a good life lying there facing death 506 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:42,010 but a good life lying there facing death 507 00:11:42,010 --> 00:11:46,320 but a good life lying there facing death he had a reason to live love his sense 508 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:46,330 he had a reason to live love his sense 509 00:11:46,330 --> 00:11:48,300 he had a reason to live love his sense of belonging within his family his 510 00:11:48,300 --> 00:11:48,310 of belonging within his family his 511 00:11:48,310 --> 00:11:50,850 of belonging within his family his purpose as a dad his transcendent 512 00:11:50,850 --> 00:11:50,860 purpose as a dad his transcendent 513 00:11:50,860 --> 00:11:53,850 purpose as a dad his transcendent meditation repeating our names Dec says 514 00:11:53,850 --> 00:11:53,860 meditation repeating our names Dec says 515 00:11:53,860 --> 00:11:56,070 meditation repeating our names Dec says are the reasons why he survived that's 516 00:11:56,070 --> 00:11:56,080 are the reasons why he survived that's 517 00:11:56,080 --> 00:12:00,210 are the reasons why he survived that's the story he tells himself that's the 518 00:12:00,210 --> 00:12:00,220 the story he tells himself that's the 519 00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:04,290 the story he tells himself that's the power of meaning happiness comes and 520 00:12:04,290 --> 00:12:04,300 power of meaning happiness comes and 521 00:12:04,300 --> 00:12:06,990 power of meaning happiness comes and goes but when life is really good and 522 00:12:06,990 --> 00:12:07,000 goes but when life is really good and 523 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:09,570 goes but when life is really good and when things are really bad having 524 00:12:09,570 --> 00:12:09,580 when things are really bad having 525 00:12:09,580 --> 00:12:11,430 when things are really bad having meaning gives you something to hold on 526 00:12:11,430 --> 00:12:11,440 meaning gives you something to hold on 527 00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:13,120 meaning gives you something to hold on to thank you 528 00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:13,130 to thank you 529 00:12:13,130 --> 00:12:17,909 to thank you [Applause]